Chance for Change

Change is good - whether voluntary or not - better yet, change can be a great thing. As humans, I believe it is natural to at times be complacent in our thoughts and become afraid to digress from our said plans. I get it - new things can be quite intimidating, especially if you didn't choose to embark on a new path and life chose a different route for you.

A few months ago, I knew I wanted growth but  wasn't quite sure how to go about it. In my mind, my life was headed in one direction, but I think in my heart I felt otherwise. But something had to give - I wanted more from another, but I also needed more from life. However, life, quickly showed me that my newfound journey of growth would have to be a solo mission and not one of a team effort. Here comes the gasp. Life was changing for me and it was not on my terms. What a slap-in-the-face that was. I can confess, I went through various stages of grief during this time, i.e. anger, pain, sadness, confusion, vodka (do not judge - it was one of my phases a night or two) - but I am proud to say I kept my composure. I did not let my so-called "rut" get the best of me.

It would be a lie to say this new transition didn't take a toll on me emotionally, no matter how composed I was in public, I suffered in silence for a while. The detox (the first 24 hours) were the worst because I didn't know where to begin. It seemed like everything else went awry too.  In the beginning I thought noone could or did understand, then I thought people just felt pity for me and then I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hibernate for a couple of years - as if that were even a likely option. All the while, the inconsistency of another was continuing to weigh on me and further confuse and weaken me. Yet, on the surface, I remained calm. Although I was hurting, I did not let bitterness set up residency in my heart; instead I forced myself to become nicer, more considerate and even began to smile more. 

Then one day, all the smiling must have worked.  I remember waking up feeling a little stronger, more confident, more appreciative for what I did have - and I asked myself why? Why am I resisting change? Why am I letting life run me instead of me running my life? It was in that very moment I cried because I was on the brink of freedom. I was at liberty to do and be as I saw fit. I became aware of how emotionally flexible I could be and how the path that life sent me on was just a detour to get to the fabulousness of where I am set to go anyway - I am just taking the scenic route now. 

That one question led to me ask myself other uncomfortable questions. Who do I want to be? How do I want to be remembered? Am I funny? Am I strong? Am I brave? Am I too serious? I then took a long stare at myself and realized that all these months had passed and I was still standing. There was one of my answers - yes, I am strong.

While I do think about what was and what could have been I no longer get saddened by those thoughts; I smile. I laugh - not because I am better than the situation that tried to break me, but I am definitely happier than the amount of damage negativity (so-to-speak) tried to inflict.

I have met new people, had new experiences and am more excited about the future and the great things the UNIVERSE has in store for me. While I don't get it right every single moment of every single day, I do know that when I don't like something I have the ability and the right to change it before it changes me.

So if ever life hands you lemons or limes...break out the salt and patron - but if that isn't your style just remind yourself to bend and not break. Get up, intend to do better and then in the words of a woman that inspires me, RaqC, "just be."

Be better, be you, be happy, be smarter, be kinder.....just be.

Goals...how many of us have them?

A list of goals, to-do list, bucket list or whatever you prefer to call it - we should all have a list of experiences we would like to have throughout the course of our lives or should we? 

I remember watching the Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson film, The Bucket List and feeling inspired, energized and ready to take on the world. Realize I said feeling and not doing; and then I probably made a sandwich, changed the channel and went on about my day. Funny, right?

Well, maybe not, but looking at the bright side, it is still early enough in the game to make a difference in my life and for you to do the same in yours. 

And before deciding to decorate and send out invitations to a pity-party-for-one, I decided to take a look back at my life and found that I had already accomplished some of my goals, I was just too blind to see. So sit back, relax, and instead of thinking about the lemons in your life, think of all the deliciously, sweet lemonade (pink lemonade if you like) you've not only made but had the opportunity to drink and go from there. Because I am confident that you have had a goal or two or even three that you have already accomplished and didn't even realize it.

If not, don't fret.

So let's assume you are among those that have yet to put your bucket list on paper, or those that hasn't a clue of what you really want if given the opportunity to choose from the grand catalogue of life; I'm here to be your brainchild and tell you that today is the day.  The day that you devote oneself to thyself.

Accept this present (get it? the present), grab a cup of coffee or donut or both, take out a sheet of paper, and write down any and ALL experiences you wish to have - whether it be to finish school, have a baby, be on television, travel the world, run a marathon in its entirety - whatever you decide, write it out. And yes, I suggest you do it in that order, donut and coffee included. Don't let fear or the opinions of others stop you, instead let your motivation drown out the naysayers in your world.

Today, I want you to decide to live and not simply exist. Easier said than done, right? I know that feeling, but I also know that after sitting down and looking back at my life I have had some amazing experiences and didn't realize it. And I know that I still have so many more experiences on my proverbial "bucket list" to go.

I awoke this glorious Tuesday feeling more alive than usual. I got out of bed invigorated, inspired and ready to take the bull by the horns. And as I took my first steps this morning, in addition to being thankful for another day of life, I remembered a thought-provoking quote from the awe-inspiring Marie Forleo. "Clarity comes from engagement, Not thought." 

Since the very moment I read that quote I decided to live each day to the fullest and find the passion in EVERYTHING I do and will continue to work on each and EVERY one of my goals, - big or small.

So if you still need some inspiration - here are two questions from the movie The Bucket List that may help to get you started, "Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?"

 

The "S" on your chest

..They say I walk around like I gotta a S on my chest.....aaahhhh, the wonderful lyrics of hip hop artist 50 Cent. This is precisely how I woke up feeling today. I originally intended to post another blog I had begun earlier in the week, but the quote attached in addition to my musical inspiration changed my mind. Hey, it's my blog, I do what I want.

So what do Hip Hop and a mere quote have to do with the other? Well, in case you didn't know, I think I'm a superhero. No, not the kind that dresses in skin-tight, colorful spandex donning a cape with the power to lift buildings and such. One could only wish! I'm talking about a regular person that doesn't allow life to get the best of her, she takes the good with the bad, rolls with the punches and attempts to help and love as many along the way. The kind of superheroes that we meet everyday and don't realize it. If you ponder the thought for a minute I am sure you too will find that you know a superhero or two; hey, you know me and that's a start.

My most prized, out-of-this-world power is my ability to love. Yep...I'm back on that. You will find that every good thing I do and have done is out of love. Whether it is letting someone get ahead of me in traffic, opening the door for a complete stranger, saying good morning, giving my spare change to those in need, giving advice or even loving someone in spite of it all - I do it all for love.

What can I say, I love love. The very thought of it makes me warm and fuzzy, and fills me with such joy and I'm not afraid to say it. I know...I know. Nauseating isn't it. Good thing I have reached a dangerously awesome new level of freedom and don't care what others think. If I did then I wouldn't write what I want and publish it for the world to see it.

So what is wrong with loving hard you ask? Nothing. Some may disagree but that is for them to contemplate and analyze - not me - I will just wish them well.

I. Will. Not. Apologize. For. Loving. Hard.

Why would I be sorry for loving hard? Loving hard is a gift and worth it all. Plain and simple. I find that when one loves hard, it is a love that remains, and eventually boomerangs its way back no matter how off-course it has gotten. Some may say otherwise, but you will learn that I am an advocate of all things positive. Therefore, I simply feel that when love persists like that, it is for one reason only - because it is real. It simply gets buried under a pile of hurt, fear, doubt and sometimes anger and some people are not sure how to remove those layers to get back that love and simply find it easier to move on.

The cool thing about loving hard is that it allows you to have the resilience and endurance to push past all that contradicts love and hang in there. Crazy isn't it? Not really. It's love.

I wasn't always pro love. I was always kind and did things with the best intentions but I was jaded.  However, the past few years I can honestly say that I have allowed myself to  love hard and intentionally. And it has it been quite the adventure! I love even when I don't necessarily see or feel the love and I'm okay with that.

If you aren't so privy to know my kind of love, don't worry, simply dig deep within yourself and you may find that love has always has been with you. It's quite moving. That love within allows you to not only love yourself, but also allows you to love those the most when they are least deserving.

Is this superpower easy to recognize or come by? Of course it is. Okay, so now you probably think I'm delusional or high on some sort of illicit drug, but that is not the case. I am nonetheless writing on no caffeine so that could be a contributing factor.

This love is easy to come by when you work for it. I've been working towards this my whole life and it only took me 30 years to find it. Yes, I am showing my age. I will be honest, I was resistant at first. In addition to resistance, I also had the help of cynicism and negativity to help complicate my love further. BUT, just when I thought I was down, something and someone crossed my path and changed my direction - and I've never been the same. This allowed me to find the love inside of me and see all that I am and all that I have and gave me the confidence to take the plunge and love hard. And I'm a firm believer that it happened just in the nick of time. 

So, if you love hard, don't apologize for your gift. Ever. Flaunt the S or better yet, the L on your chest with pride. There will be those that don't know how to accept it because they are innately programmed to be afraid of the unknown. Continue to give your gift to them because it is in the giving that you make the other person realize.

G.I. Jen

Is it true that intelligent people are full of doubt, yet the stupid ones are full of confidence? I came across this while engaging in my morning ritual of social media surfing and it resonated something in me.  For many, it could read like the proverbial fortune cookie, as just words, but for the latter half of those reading, it hits home. 



If  the shoe fits wear it, right?  Well, let me be the first to admit, I tried to put my foot in the shoe. It was too easy. You know what I'm talking about. You read something while in a particular emotional state and you begin to take what you read on a social media site to heart. Who does that? We all do it - don't be ashamed - no one's judging. Well, at least I'm not. But if you are still not convinced and want to continue to deny it, I will be the innovator this glorius day.



Yes, I was feeling a particular way this morning, put on the shoe, and proceeded to wear it for a few minutes. I sure did. Pitiful, right? Then it hit me - or more like it began to cut the circulation in my leg - this doesn't apply to me at all. How could it?



I have had  those not-so-great  moments, it's human nature. I have fallen weak to my emotions. And let's not even begin to talk about how at an intricate part of the month I'm "full of emotion" simply because I'm a woman.  Good thing that is linked to hormones and not my personality.



Let me be even more candid. I have briefly doubted myself for one reason or another. But I have the innate quality to drown those doubts with confidence. I'm blessed with this relentless attitude that no matter how bleak a situaion I can't give in. In the face of adversity, I stand tall. I'm a gladiator.



I've forgiven, endured, overlooked, accepted, heard, felt and seen plenty, yet, my confidence allows me to continue to pick myself up, dust off my shoulders and try again. Therefore, what I read this morning was merely my fortune cookie - sans Chinese food - just words and I'm confident enough to know that.




So the next time you read or hear something that may hit a little too close to home, remember who you are, and be intelligent enough to know that it's just social media and only applies if you let it.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

I woke up in good spirits today, yet all I could think about was quitting.  Good spirits and quitting, what a winning, contradictory combination.  Insert sarcasm here.  Well stop the presses and read me out before you pass judgment.  After beginning my day I could not seem to get the notion of quitting or quitters per se out of my mind.  And to no avail, I even tried engaging in intellectual conversation with my four-year-old son to serve as some sort of distraction. So quitters/quitting it is. 

Whether it is quitting life, love, jobs, school, etc., why give up?  When I say quit, I understand that people fall out of love and/or find better jobs; but what makes it get to the point that quitting is better than compromising.

I wonder is it that life has gotten so hard that you find it easier to end your life than to struggle and keep going. If you still love someone wholeheartedly, is walking away from that kind of love easier than regret. Are work and school so trying and unimportant that it would be easier to just be without income or uneducated.

Excuse me for my seemingly high-and-mighty attitude but I am in no way looking down at those who prefer to stop, however, I am optimistic so it tends to boggle my mind. So much so that the continuous use of the word "quit" is starting to darken my mood.  Nonetheless, those that choose not to continue is what I opted to say instead of, you know, that word. 

People have said that walking away and letting go is one of the hardest things that there is to do, but personally, I think hanging in there and trying to find a solution amidst the roadblocks is actually harder.  Maybe in extreme cases that may hold some validity, but in the ones described above I think the more difficult task is to find a reason to say yes and take actions to make that yes worthwhile.

Historically speaking, we are a nation of not giving up. Just look at the attacks of September 11 or the ever-lasting aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, these are clear examples of catastrophic events intended or presumed to break spirits.  However, they are also distinct occurrences of resilience where people of this country, and of those cities impacted, chose to not  - dare I say it - quit.  Situations that brought people together instead of tearing them apart.

Life. Life is hard. There is no simpler way to put it.  It is only consistent in the fact that you never know where it will take you; it can take you up, down and all-around. It will test you beyond your limits. If it were easy and mundane it would be boring.

So even when things seem to have hit rock-bottom, one shouldn't get discouraged, instead encouraged because you can only go up from there.

Equally, love and life are challenging with the exception that in love there is a partnership that can make all the difference instead of facing-off alone.  In the event that two people still love each other, there is still a reason to courageously crusade through the less-than-pleasant moments.  A relationship can become as stubborn and complicated as Christmas tree lights after being in the attic for 11 months out of a year; but just like those lights, with patience and persistence, they eventually become untangled and radiant once again.

Therefore, problems in relationships are going to arise. It's inevitable.  But with trust, love and communication, those problems will only bring about opportunities to find solutions that work for those two individuals.  If we look at our elders that are fortunate enough to still be together after 30 plus years, it has definitely not come easy.  The difference is they chose to let their love be more powerful than that of any outside factor, which often-times it is the contrary, which is why at times devoted couples give up.

In the famous words of Mark Twain, "The man that does not read good books has no advantage over the man that can't read them." I find no good reason to senselessly opt to stop educating one's self because ignorance really isn't bliss. And that's all I have to say about that.

So when the days that nothing seems to be going right and freeing yourself of life and the responsibilities, obligations and or additional spin-offs that come with it seems like the best route to take, remember this: you can't stop the storms from coming, but you can either choose to let them affect you or learn to dance in the rain.

And if my random thoughts can't help, just watch the video below as it seems to lift my spirits at times.

Is optimism all it's cracked up to be?

Is the glass half full or half empty?  Depends on who you ask. For the eternal optimist, the glass is and always be half full, but for the latter, the doubtfuls of the world, a half empty glass is fine by them.  In my own litmus test for life, I choose A, the ever-optimist. 

Why wouldn't I choose to be hopeful in a world where hate, despair and ignorance are too often the norm.  A little reliance on positivity may just be what the doctor ordered. In the face of adversity and disappointments I elect to not only look at the brighter side, but also to be the change I want to see in the world. I am not saying that I will be the next Mother Theresa, far from it, but I am banging away at being better. I am striving to be the change I want to see in my world.

If fortunate enough to have those elders that fill us with wisdom from childhood, we can recall being told: "roll with the punches", "what doesn't kill us makes stronger", and the list of cliches goes on and on.  However, as children do we really understand the depth of those words, let alone the impact they may have on us as adults.  And is it really as forthright as just accepting the advice of our predessors and living a better quality of life or not? Who knows.  Maybe it can be as simple and enpowering as listening to "Gonna Fly Now", also known as the Rocky Theme song, but what does it all mean? I think they were meant to serve as guidelines to keep our faith in order to prevent us from letting life get the best of us then and now.  To some they are, will and always will be just words that are lackluster in the attempt to inspire, but to others those words are everything. Simple words can make all the difference; such as a smile, song, kiss or even a hello.

Therefore, today in true self-encouraging disposition, I scoured the internet to satisfy my quench for news, gossip and inspiration and I was drawn to the words of activist, Malcolm X.  I quote: "If you are experiencing resistance, you must exert some persistence, in order to improve your existence."   And there it was, the answer to all of my fears, doubts, questions and concerns - borrowed words that became the steering wheel of my perception of life today.  Today I will take the bull by the horn.

Instead of submitting to my woes, I choose to take encouraging words of this historic figure and look at today as a good day.

And so I ask again, is it really that simple? Absolutely not, there is no real formula in being more optimistic. The secret to optimism is the adventure of finding a recipe that works for you. My formulaic answer to all that gets me down is to: Eat, Pray and Love.  I feed my soul the necessary to keep me going and a daily Snickers bar seems to help too.  I pray to have the strength to both begin and endure the day's journey. And I love, I mean really love all that matters to no end.

My outlook may seem like a bunch of self-help nonsense to others, but what is the alternative, cynisicism, I'll pass. As I sail through what I refer to as my "wonder years", the period in which I am purposefully navigating through life and all of its splendor,  I remain upbeat. In turn, I dedicate today's blog to the most inspiring, thought-provoking cynic in my life: here's hoping.

Superheroes

Who says they don’t have real-life superheroes? I’m a superhero. At least I am in the eyes of my oldest son, 3-year-old Navin.  As he refers to one of his favorite movies, The Incredibles, he tells me, “You a superhero mommy, mommy and I a superhero big boy!”  Therefore, I, Jennifer Stallings, single mother of two, full-time student and full-time employee believe that many of us moms should add “superhero” to their resume.  I have no choice but to live up to my son’s expectations. I'm not a superhero because I have magical powers or wear a cape and can fly, but because I have a million and one things going on in my life and still manage to smile through it all, do all that I can for my kids and not go completely crazy – at least I think I’m still sane.

Mother, student, employee, chef, nurse, chauffeur, sister, daughter, friend, and cousin – you name it, I’m it.  I’m 5’3, 128 pounds, glasses, naturally curly black hair that I religiously have blown out every week, a reddish brown complexion with freckles, and I am biracial, African American and Ecuadorian – for those unfamiliar with Ecuador – it means I speak Spanish. 

My day usually begins at 6 a.m. and ends when I lay my head down which can be anytime from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m., it varies.   I wake to two of the most handsome boys around, Navin and Arius. Navin, a rambunctious boy that has a smile bright enough to light up a dim room and Arius (Ari for short), an 18-month-old, mischievous toddler that has a face sweet enough to melt anyone’s heart.  Now, it’s off to get up, get dressed and start our day!

After I drop them off at school, I drive to a job that I enjoy and work dutifully for 8 hours. After a long day at work, I then pick up my kids, drive them to either my cousin’s or my mom’s house and race to school.  I sit in class and try to muster up enough energy to focus, interact and learn as much as possible.  After class I get my kids, head home and get them ready for bed, and then my schoolwork begins. This is my routine 4 to 5 days a week, and when I’m not in school or work, I’m working hard at being a good mom.  

I do everything with my kids – everything. From pedicures to doctor’s appointments to dinners with the girls, if you see me then there’s a strong chance you will see my kids.  I do have the occasional moments of “me time”, but those moments are minimal and when I am not with them all I do is miss them terribly.  I look forward to the weekends, not because I don’t have school or work but because I can enjoy my children. We sleep in late (7:30 instead of 6:30), and yes I said “we”, I too am guilty of letting them sleep with me, we watch Saturday morning cartoons, we love to eat beignets for breakfast, and one of our favorite pastimes is to eat snowballs from a small shack-like stand near Lafreniere Park. When my kids and I have had a long day, we like to unwind to our favorite movies, Toy Story 3 or the Incredibles.

Some might think I’m crazy for taking on as much as I do, but I look as it as “if it don’t kill me, it can only make me stronger!”  I’m a single mother that aspires to succeed, not only for myself, but also for my boys. “If you want something done right, then you gotta do it yourself!” A motto I live by.  So if I’m not out there busting my tail for myself and my sons who is going to do it?  And when I’m not busy being a mom, a student or a Sales & Marketing assistant, I’m being a big sister to my younger brothers, a daughter to my mom, a friend and a girlfriend to my man.

Who's tired? Not me.

So as I wrap up yet another semester in school, I pray for continued strength, good grades and enough motivation to keep this girl in motion.  In a nutshell, I know all I do will eventually pay off for my children and me; therefore, a little sleep deprivation and hectic days are a small price to pay for their happiness. So I guess Navin is right, I am a real superhero – just like the ones on television – my Altima is the equivalent to the “bat mobile”, my strength is my proverbial cape and I’m doing it all in front of an audience that watches my every move – Navin and Arius.